In the Torah, we are commanded not to take revenge and not to bear a grudge. This is a tall order! The natural human response to being hurt is often to hold onto anger, to let it fester, and to sometimes plot revenge. Yet the Torah asks us to transcend this reaction: “You shall not take vengeance nor bear a grudge… and you shall love your fellow as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18).

Rabbi Jonathan Rietti highlights a profound insight about these two commands. We might expect the Torah to give us time to cool off between letting go of anger and reaching the lofty commandment of loving our neighbor. But the Torah places these concepts side by side for a reason. The truth is, our feelings of hatred, anger, and revenge are often deeply embedded in our thoughts, not our essence. And just as quickly as a thought forms, it can shift. Hashem knows us better than anyone, and He knows we are capable of making that immediate mental switch—from resentment to love.

Healing Through the Ribono Shel Olam Prayer

I once had a profound realization while reciting the Ribono Shel Olam prayer before bedtime, which includes a passage about forgiving others. At first, I viewed the prayer as a way to clear the day’s slate, forgiving those who may have wronged me in some minor way. But I began to see it as something far more powerful.

Forgiveness is not just about the small slights we experience each day. Sometimes, it requires us to dive deeper into our past, where real pain may reside—unintentional wrongs or major life-altering harm caused by others. The prayer says, “whether to my body, my money, my honor… whether intentionally, or unintentionally.” These words remind us that releasing our grip on the past can be deeply healing.

While this process may require time, therapy, and support, forgiveness offers liberation for the victim. It brings tremendous blessings into our lives. As the Sages teach, Hashem treats us the way we treat others. When we forgive, we invite divine mercy upon ourselves, clearing the path for our own forgiveness in areas where we too may have caused harm.

‘Forgiving’ God and Generational Forgiveness

One night, as I recited the prayer, I found myself saying, “I forgive You, Hashem, for putting me through such and such.” At first, this startled me. But then, I realized that part of the forgiveness journey is reconciling with the challenges Hashem has placed in our lives.

I also found myself forgiving my parents, grandparents, and even distant ancestors for decisions they made that, directly or indirectly, affected me. While they may not need my forgiveness, it felt like this act was shifting something larger in the world—sending out a ripple effect of forgiveness that cleanses not just me but the world around me.

Torah law teaches that complete forgiveness before Hashem only occurs when we are forgiven by the person we have wronged. By offering forgiveness, we tip the scales of judgment toward mercy, both for ourselves and others.

The Power of Self-Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not complete until we forgive ourselves. Often, we hold onto guilt and shame for mistakes we made, things we regret saying or doing, or opportunities we missed. These feelings can block spiritual growth. But teshuvah is not just about letting go of guilt—it’s about embracing compassion for ourselves.

Chassidic teachings, particularly from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, emphasize that every Jew has infinite potential. By forgiving ourselves, we unlock this potential and align with our divine purpose. The Baal Shem Tov teaches that each of us carries a divine spark, and self-compassion is the key to nurturing that spark into its full radiance. Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi teaches that self-forgiveness and compassion are necessary to achieve true teshuvah and transformation.

Practical Steps to Forgiveness

• Reflection: Identify unresolved resentments or grudges. Are there people you need to forgive to free yourself from the burden of anger?
• Prayer: Use the Ribono Shel Olam prayer as a tool for release. Let its words soften old pain.
• Action: If appropriate, reach out—or write a letter you may or may not send. The act of writing can facilitate healing.
• Self-Compassion: Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Remember that teshuvah is about growth, not punishment.
• Speak to Hashem: If you grapple with hardships, say so. Our tradition teaches that challenges can elevate us, even when we don’t yet see how.

Forgiveness as a Path to Peace

Forgiveness is more than a spiritual requirement—it is a tool for personal peace. It clears emotional and spiritual baggage, strengthening our relationship with Hashem, others, and ourselves.

The Zohar teaches that when we forgive others—especially in sacred seasons—we generate a ripple of blessing and light. As the Rambam writes, forgiveness is a gift not only for the forgiven but for the forgiver; it opens the heart and allows divine mercy to flow.

May we all merit the strength to forgive, to heal, and to enter Yom Kippur with hearts unburdened. May this act tip the scales toward kindness, bringing a year of peace, joy, and renewal.